


bitchin' losers club

by 80srichie



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King, Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Funny, M/M, Texting, im not actually funny yikes, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-01-30 04:50:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12646455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/80srichie/pseuds/80srichie
Summary: a texting fic in which will and jonathan actually move to mainederry, maine to be exact





	1. bitchin' loser's club

10:26 A.M.

_the loser’s club bitches_

 

richie hoezier: WADDUP FUCKERS

 

stanley the birdy: stop yelling

 

richie hoezier: literally no sound came from that text message stanley are u high

 

stanley the birdy: no you’re just annoying

 

edwardo: he’s got a point

 

richie hoezier: eddie, my love, how dare you betray me like this

 

richie hoezier: i thought you loved me

 

edwardo: well bitch guess what

 

edwardo: ….

 

edwardo: yeah i do sorry i have no comeback

 

stanley the birdy: i’m disappointed in you

 

edwardo: i Tried okay

 

richie hoezier: i still hate your display name eds its Gross

 

edwardo: exactly why its gonna stay

 

bevvvv: that’s gay

 

bennyBOO: they’ve been gay for years bev wdym

 

bennyBOO: OH SHIT ITS NOT HALLOWEEN ANYMORE

 

bennyHoHo: fixed it

 

bevvvv: why are you a hostess snack

 

bennyHoHo: maybe i wanna be one of those

 

bennyHoHo: don’t crush my only dream

 

bevvvv: damn aight soRry

 

edwardo: it’s noVEMBER 1ST

 

edwardo: what about THANKSGIVING

 

bevvvv: thanksgiving is a myth

 

edwardo: jkdsfhsdjk

 

richie hoezier: where are mike and bill

 

mike n ike: i’m trying to learn unlike some of you

 

richie hoezier: what shade

 

edwardo: i have a studyhall right now you can’t bash me

 

bevvvv: so do i

 

bennyHoHo: i’m not even at school lol

 

edwardo: where tf are you

 

bennyHoHo: dentist appointment

 

stanley the birdy: did u have a cavity

 

bennyHoHo: i’m not richie

 

edwardo: HA

 

stanley the birdy: lololool you got me there

 

richie hoezier: excuse the whole fuck out of you

 

richie hoezier: i’ve never had a cavity

 

edwardo: ur not a good liar richie

 

richie hoezier: tf u meaN???

 

richie hoezier: im not lying

 

edwardo: i was the one who told you your tooth was hurting bc of a cavity dont even try

 

richie hoezier: im being exposed

 

bennyHoHo: honestly we all know bc you texted this gc while you were high on laughing gas

 

richie hoezier: i did????

 

mike n ike: you did

 

bevvvv: you were quoting vines and then started crying bc stan reminded you that vine died

 

stanley the birdy: ha that was funny

 

edwardo: I STILL HAVE THE VIDEO OF HIM CRYING HJFAKSHFJKAS

 

bevvvv: omg send it PLEASE

 

edwardo: _[videoofrichiecrying.mp4]_

 

bevvvv: HADSJKHJKSAD

 

stanley the birdy: ohmygod jhashdjksa

 

bennyHoHo: that is funnier than it should be

 

bevvvv: “why did vine have to die? it was my second love”

 

edwardo: i cant believe he put me before vine even when he was high

 

richie hoezier: its not that funny

 

mike n ike: yes it is

 

richie hoezier: skjdfjhsakd

 

stanley the birdy: but seriously

 

stanley the birdy: where is bill

 

richie hoezier: he’s probably trying to learn like mike

 

mike n ike: richie aren’t you in math right now

 

richie hoezier: do you mean hell

 

richie hoezier: if thats so, you are correct. i am in hell. being bi as fuck finally caught up with me

 

edwardo: mr. thomas isn’t that bad richie

 

richie hoezier: HES FAILING ME ON PURPOSE

 

richie hoezier: I SWEAR IT

 

stanley the birdy: no he’s failing you bc you’re fucking awful at math

 

bevvvv: stans got a point

 

edwardo: ^

 

richie hoezier: i am offended. i asked for help once and stan laughed at me

 

stanley the birdy: you asked me what 6 times 8 was

 

richie hoezier: it was a VALID QUESTION

 

s s billy: y’all shut up about richies shitty grades for a second

 

stanley the birdy: wow look who finally decided to show up

 

s s billy: stan are u ok

 

stanley the birdy: no i’ve had to deal with richie without ur voice of reason

 

s s billy: sorry babe

 

bevvvv: that’s also gay

 

richie hoezier: SOMEONE HELP ME WITH MATH

 

s s billy: no

 

stanley the birdy: no

 

edwardo: no

 

bevvvv: no

 

richie hoezier: ben?

 

bennyHoHo: yikes

 

richie hoezier: mike????

 

mike n ike: sorry dude

 

richie hoezier: HAJSKHDKSAJ

 

richie hoezier: i hate every single one of you

 

_richie hoezier has left the chat_

 

stanley the birdy: the evil has been defeated

 

edwardo: HAJKSDHD

 

bennyHoHo: bill what did you want to say

 

s s billy: oh right

 

s s billy: i gave the new guy a tour

 

stanley the birdy: please don’t tell me he’s like richie i might explode

 

s s billy: HJAKSHJDSKA hes not

 

s s billy: but we’re friends and i want him to be friends with my friends and i think y’all would get along so

 

s s billy: can i add him

 

mike n ike: of course you can

 

edwardo: richie is text singing about how lonely he is help

 

bevvvv: give him that Thicc blocc

 

edwardo: he would march his ass over here just to make me unblock him i cannot do that

 

edwardo: you can add that new guy bill

 

bennyHoHo: go for it billy

 

stanley the birdy: sure

 

s s billy: what about richie

 

stanley the birdy: jusT ADD HIM BILL

 

s s billy: OK JESUS CHRIST

 

_s s billy added will the wise to the chat_

 

s s bill: this is will byers!

 

will the wise: what the heck

 

stanley the birdy: good job bill you already freaked him out

 

s s billy: STANLEY shUT uP

 

s s billy: lemme introduce everyone

 

s s billy: i’m bill (obviously), stanley the birdy is stan, bevvvv is beverly, mike n ike is mike, edwardo is eddie, and bennyHoHo is ben

 

mike n ike: you forgot richie

 

stanley the birdy: who’s richie

 

bevvvv: HJSAKDHA

 

edwardo: i cannot BREWTHe

 

will the wise: but who is richie

 

stanley the birdy: no one its okay dont worry

 

will the wise: lol ok

 

will the wise: i moved here from indiana against my own will

 

bennyHoHo: your name is inconvenient

 

will the wise: what

 

bennyHoHo: will moved against his own will

 

bennyHoHo: you see

 

will the wise: … anyway

 

will the wise: what’s your guys’ deal

 

bevvvv: wdym

 

will the wise: you’re all friends for a reason

 

will the wise: what’s that reason

 

edwardo: oh shit hes onto us

 

will the wise: hsjkdsaj

 

s s billy: its our secret backstory

 

s s billy: youll learn eventually

 

will the wise: lol alright

 

_private chat between edwardo and richie hoezier_

 

richie hoezier:  LONELYYYYYYYYYY

richie hoezier: I AM SO LONELYYYYY

 

richie hoezier: I HAVE NO BOIDYYYYY

 

richie hoezier: foR MY OWN

 

richie hoezier: eddie stop ignoring meEEEE

 

richie hoezier: eDIDIE

 

richie hoezier: EDS

 

richie hoezier: eDWARDAIS

 

edwardo: actually shut up ohmygiddas

 

richie hoezier: add me back to the chat

 

edwardo: no

 

richie hoezier: WHAT

 

richie hoezier: EDDIE BBY PLEAseE

 

edwardo: im kidding actually chill the fuck OUT

 

_the losers club bitches_

 

stanley the birdy: honestly will ur not at all like i expected you to be

 

will the wise: whats that supposed to mean

 

stanley the birdy: noTHING BAD ur just a pleasant person

 

will the wise: gee thanks

 

stanley the birdy: you sound so sarcastic sjhdkfhs

 

will the wise: its not supposed to be oops

 

s s billy: hes not like richie i told you that

 

bennyHoHo: not everyone is like richie stan

 

will the wise: who the heck is richie

 

stanley the birdy: NO ONE

 

will the wise: ???????? whAt

_will the wise changed the group name to ‘who the heck is richie’_

 

edwardo: AJSKDAS

 

edwardo: im adding richie back

 

stanley the birdy: oh GOD

 

stanley the birdy: the evil has returned

 

edwardo: jksadkas

 

will the wise: WHO IS RICHIE WHAT 2 HECK

 

_edwardo added richie hoezier to the chat_

 

richie hoezier: guess whos back

 

stanley the birdy: my depression

 

bevvvv: HAJKSFDHJKAS

 

bennyHoHo: ohmy goD

 

will the wise: is this richie

 

stanley the birdy: richie died years ago

 

stanley the birdy: sometimes i can still hear his voice

 

richie hoezier: STOP TELLING PEOPLE IM DEAD

 

richie hoezier: also who the FUCK are you

 

will the wise: i’m will

 

s s billy: richie be nice

 

richie hoezier: i am being nice

 

will the wise: why does stan hate you so much

 

bevvvv: HAJDSKHAS

 

stanley the birdy: oh you’ll see

 

mike n ike: YALL FUCKING PAY ATTENTION TO SCHOOL YOUR GRADES ARE SUFFERING

 

bennyHoHo: y’all dun fucked up

 

will the wise: is mike the father figure of this group

 

edwardo: yes

 

richie hoezier: i’m the mother

 

stanley the birdy: suddenly im an orphan

 

richie hoezier: wait why is the group name so concerned about who i am

 

will the wise: stan was very adamant about you not existing to me

 

stanley the birdy: yikes

 

stanley the birdy: gotta blast

 

richie hoezier: stan youre sitting right next to me you cant go anywhere

 

stanley the birdy: o yeah?

 

_stanley the birdy has left the chat_

 

will the wise: i feel like my constant emotion towards this chat is gonna be pure confusion

 

bennyHoHo: it never leaves trust me

 

bevvvv: all of us are confused

* * *

 

also written on tumblr!!

 

[my tumblr](https://80srichie.tumblr.com/)


	2. part ii

_ the party chat _

_ 5:03pm _

  
  


micycle: IF Y’ALL DONT PLAY THIS CAMPAIGN THIS WEEKEND IMMA SCREAM

 

micycle: i planned it TWO WEEKS AGO

 

lucasa: IM SORRY OK I HAD TO WATCH ERICA

 

dustinshat: hat

 

lucasa: dustin i swEAR to god if you DONT STOP PRETENDING TO BE A HAT

 

lucasa: halloween IS OVER

 

dustinshat: hat

 

lucasa: im gonna fling myself off a cliff

 

dustinshat: hat

 

_ lucasa has removed dustinshat from the chat. _

 

will the wise: I WANNA PLAY DND

 

will the wise: BUT IM IN MAINE   
  
will the wise: some bullcrap

 

micycle: i miss you will :(

 

lucasa: me too :(((

 

madmax: me three

 

will the wise: i will visit soon i promISe

 

will the wise: these new people befriended me at this school and i dunno if i like all of them or not

 

will the wise: everyones really nice but they have this odd dynamic

 

will the wise: idk but i met them for the first time and holy CRAP does richie look like you mike

 

micycle: what how

 

will the wise: I DUNNO

 

will the wise: he looks like you with glasses and horrible fashion choices

 

will the wise: let me see if i can get a picture of them hold o

 

_ the losers club bitches _

_ 5:10 pm _

 

richie hoezier: guys…

 

richie hoezier: i broke it

 

stanley the birdy: your dick? finally

 

richie hoezier: no stan my dicc is FINE

 

richie hoezier: my skateboard

 

billyHoHo: how did you manage

 

mike n ike: i dont understand how you managed to BREAK your skateboard richie

 

mike n ike: you bought it four hours ago

 

stanley the birdy: hes a fuckin dumbass thats how

 

mike n ike: colorful choice of words, but yep

 

edwardo: HE BROKE IT BY RECREATING A VINE

 

bevvvv: he WHAt

 

s-s-billy: are you serious

 

edwardo: he asked me to suck his dick

 

edwardo: and i said you’re disgusting

 

s-s-billy: OHMYGDO

 

bevvvv: he did the no head vine didnt he

 

edwardo: unfortunately

 

richie hoezier: it wasnt supposed to actually work okay

 

edwardo: so you thought jumping on your skateboard wouldn’t break it?

 

richie hoezier: WELL NO

 

richie hoezier: OW FUCK

 

s-s-billy: what happened

 

stanley the birdy: did eddie finally kill him

 

bevvvv: SUBSSKSJ

 

richie hoezier: no he flicked me

 

stanley the birdy: damn

 

bennyHoHo: we should have a movie weekend with will

 

s-s-billy: yeah!!!

 

bevvvv: aweeee yessss im down

 

edwardo: im for it

 

stanley the birdy: can we not invite richie

 

richie hoezier: stan im in the chat

 

stanley the birdy: oh jeez i mustve forgot to do this

 

_ stanley the birdy removed richie hoezier from the chat _

 

stanley the birdy: can we not invite richie

 

edwardo: stan we’re inviting richie but you tried

 

stanley the birdy: son of a Bitch

 

will the wise: ill come. whose house?

 

s-s-billy: mine?

 

bennyHoHo: yes ofc i need to see georgie

 

bevvvv: OUR PRECIOUS BEAN

 

edwardo: our lord and saviour georgie

 

stanley the birdy: my bby

 

will the wise: who’s georgie

 

mike n ike: bill’s adorable little brother

 

will the wise: i cant wait to meet him

 

_ the party chat _

_ 5:20 pm _

 

will the wise: they were busy talking but i found a picture on bill’s instagram

 

will the wise:  _ [pictureofthelosersfromig.jpg] _

 

lucasa: WHOA

 

madmax: that’s so fuckin weird

 

madmax: that IS mike wtf

 

micycle: he looks nothing like me

 

will the wise: what the heck

 

will the wise: yes he doES

 

lucasa: yes he does

 

will the wise: i need dustin hold oN

 

_ will the wise added dustinshat to the chat _

 

will the wise:  _ [pictureofthelosersfromig.jpg] _

 

will the wise: the kid with the glasses looks like mike, yes?

 

dustinshat: yes

 

lucasa: ohvthank gOd

 

dustinshat: who is that

 

will the wise: his name is richie, hes friends with bill

 

madmax: hes wearing a dig dug shirt

 

madmax: i want to be his friend

 

will the wise: should i make a giant groupchat

 

lucasa: please we gotta know if they’re good enough for you will

 

micycle: yes ofc

 

will the wise: okayyyYy

 

_ will the wise added the party chat and the bitchin losers club to a chat _

 

will the wise: these are my friends from indiana. be nice richie

 

richie hoezier: HEY

 

richie hoezier: im so nice

 

richie hoezier: stan attacks me for no reason

 

stanley the birdy: honey you’ve got a big storm comin

 

mike n ike: hey will’s friends

 

lucasa: hello

 

dustinshat: ello

 

bevvvv: hello peeps from indiana

 

bennyHoHo: heyyYyy

 

edwardo: hey

 

richie hoezier: waddup fuckers

 

richie hoezier: oops that wasnt NICE ENOUGH

 

richie hoezier: hello my kind fellows

 

micycle: oh wow

 

edwardo: he tried

 

stanley the birdy: what is happening

 

richie hoezier: can’t you read stan wtf

 

stanley the birdy: richie

 

richie hoezier: yes

 

edwardo: oh god

 

s-s-billy: oh NO

 

lucasa: whats occuring

 

bevvvv: hes been typing too long

 

micycle: whaT

 

mike n ike: oh jeez

 

stanley the birdy: i will eviscerate you

 

richie hoezier: that would be unfortunate for eds

 

bevvvv: thats gay

 

bennyHoHo: wow

 

stanley the birdy: im impressed he knew what that meant

 

richie hoezier: IM SMART HOP OFF MY DICK

 

s-s-billy: i would hope stan was never there

 

stanley the birdy: never

 

madmax: is richie the one with the dig dug shirt

 

richie hoezier: HELL YES WHO ARE YOU

 

madmax: im max

 

richie hoezier: ok we’re best friends now everyone can leave

 

s-s-billy: hey mike

 

micycle: what

 

mike n ike: what

 

s-s-billy: oh

 

lucasa: oh no

 

will the wise: heck

 

richie hoezier: will you say heck entirely too much

 

richie hoezier: beep beep will

 

will the wise: what

 

bennyHoHo: we say beep beep richie to make richie shut up

 

will the wise: in that case

 

will the wise: beep beep richie

 

richie hoezier: NO YOU SAY HECK TOO MUCH

 

lucasa: so we can say beep beep will and he’ll shut up too?

 

micycle: will barely talks what

 

will the wise: i tALK A LOT WDYM

 

dustinshat: he does

 

edwardo: are we gonna ignore the double mike problem

 

micycle: i call mike #1

 

mike n ike: i guess im mike #2 then

 

s-s-billy: this chat needs a name

 

_ stanley the birdy changed the groupchat name to richie leave the chat _

 

madmax: can someone explain why stan hates richie so much

 

stanley the birdy: i dont hate richie

 

edwardo: HAHAHHAHDSHFKFJ

 

bevvvv: thats FUNNY

 

bennyHoHo: HAJDHKSJSH

 

stanley the birdy: i love that sarcasm is compelled through text bc of my personality

 

dustinshat: i dont have a clue whats going on in this chat and id like to know

 

s-s-billy: WELL

 

s-s-billy: couples (so far)

bill (me) and stan

richie and eddie

 

s-s-billy: hbu guys

 

micycle: lucas and max

 

lucasa: ur forgetting one

 

micycle: oh yeah, el and i

 

will the wise: yaaay..

 

micycle: hopper said he’s gonna get her a phone soon so !!! yay

 

will the wise: woo

 

dustinshat: how neat

 

_ private chat between lucasa and will the wise _

 

lucasa: will you have to tell him man

 

will the wise: i cant

 

will the wise: he has eleven and hes happy its fine

 

lucasa: but you arent

 

will the wise: ive been through worse, lucas. ill be fine

 

_ the party chat _

 

_ lucasa added dustinshat to the chat _

 

micycle: dnd this weekend?

 

lucasa: yes

 

madmax: oui

 

dustinshat: yes

 

micycle: IM EXCITED

 

lucasa: me too!!!

 

will the wise: have fun y’all.

 

micycle: you okay?

 

will the wise: yep

 

dustinshat: hat

 

lucasa: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DUSTIN


	3. part iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh

**WADDUP BITCHES  
**

**theres angst everywhere in this chapter and im not sorry**

_**summary:** a texting fic between the it/st kids_

_**pairing:** too many_

_**words:** also, too many_

_[one](https://80srichie.tumblr.com/post/167183132560/bitchin-losers-club) , [two](https://80srichie.tumblr.com/post/167684967775/bitchin-losers-club-part-ii)_

* * *

_the party chat_

_7:07 pm_

madmax: guys… i have bad news

lucasa: what

madmax: my aunt is gonna be taking care of me from now on… since things got really bad with tHe Devil… which means i have to move again

lucasa: :(

will the wise: where? :(

madmax: maine

dustinshat: whAT THE SHIT

will the wise: wait WHAT

micycle: where in maine

madmax: the town over from derry. they dont have a good school, so im gonna go to the same school as you will

will the wise: THE HECK

lucasa: :(

micycle: thats ironic as hell

will the wise: whoaaaa

dustinshat: i smell a conspiracy

_private chat between madmax and lucasa_

_7:10 pm_

lucasa: im gonna miss you so bad

lucasa: this is bullshit

lucasa: first will, now you?

madmax: im sorry luc. i promise ill call you every night and we’ll stay in touch

madmax: my aunt said she’ll try to let me visit as often as i can

madmax: this isn’t permanent, ill be back

lucasa: promise?

madmax: i promise

_richie leave the chat_

_8:09 pm_

_richie hozier changed their name to richie bitchie_  

madmax: yo maine people

madmax: im moving to maine temporarily and ill be going to derry hs

richie bitchie: HELL YEAH DIGDUG BUDDY

edwardo: ph God

_**two weeks later** _

_private chat between richie bitchie and edwardo_

edwardo: still hanging out today before the movie night?

richie bitchie: of course eds

edwardo: dont call me that

_richie leave the chat_

_2:56 am_

richie bitchie: do trees have feelings

dustinshat: i’d like to think so

richie bitchie: but can trees cry and get adorably jealous like eddie spaghetti

edwardo: i do not get jealous

richie bitchie: wow eds way to lie to our new friends

edwardo: shut the fuck up dick

richie bitchie: i believe the correct way to spell my name is dicc

edwardo: its too late for this

will the wise: would y’all shut the heck up

stanley the birdy: would you guys shUT THE FUVK UPO

stanley the birdy: awe a bonding moment will

will the wise: :’)

richie bitchie: beep beep will

will the wise: beep beep richard

_s-s-billy changed their name to s s shut up_

s s shut up:

richie bitchie: your name looks like you’re stuttering billiam

s s shut up: fucking SHIT

_s s shut up changed their name to bill nye_

richie bitchie: bill… nye… the science guy

dustinshat: BILL BILL BILL

dustinshat: richie can you tell me everyones real names i dunno them

will the wise: i couldve told you

dustinshat: richie UNDERSTANDS ME

will the wise: what the HECK

richie bitchie: beep beep will

will the wise: beep beep richie

bill nye: stanley the birdy is stan, bevvvv is beverly, mike n ike is mike, edwardo is eddie, and bennyHoHo is ben

dustinshat: i appreciate u bill

bill nye: ty dusty

will the wise: dusty? cute

stanley the birdy: NOW WOULD YALL GO THE F u CK TO SLEEP

edwardo: for once i agree with stan

stanley the birdy: FOR ONCE???

edwardo: goodnight

stanely the birdy: hoLD ON

richie bitchie: stanley shut the fuCK Up!!!!! dont u listen to yourself

stanley the birdy: beep beep richie

dustinshat: WHAT ABOUT THE TREES

_richie leave the chat_

_6:58 am_

mike n ike: how did i sleep through that

bevvvv: i know like hOW DID I

bevvvv: i want to know if trees have feelings

dustinshat: im still waiting on a verdict

madmax: richie are you still picking me up

richie bitchie: yes ma’am

edwardo: wait what

richie bitchie: oh, i forgot to tell ya eds

richie bitchie: im picking up maxine for school in the mornings

madmax: don’t call me that

edwardo: don’t fucking call me that

bill nye: oh JESUS

bennyHoHo: uh oh

mike n ike: one of those was more aggressive than the other

richie bitchie: ya spaghetti head’s a feisty snack

bevvvv: thats gay

bennyHoHo: beverly pls we know

bevvvv: its my THING BEN LET ME LIVE

_private chat between richie bitchie and edwardo_

richie bitchie: eds where are you ive been sitting in your driveway for five minutes

richie bitchie: eds

richie bitchie: eddie

edwardo: i rode my bike to school.

richie bitchie: the fuck??/ why

edwardo: just pick up max. im fine.

richie bitchie: eds you cannot be mad

richie bitchie: eddie come ON

_private chat between richie bitchie and madmax_

richie bitchie: arcade after school?

madmax: ofc

madmax: im getting my high score back on digdug

richie bitchie: in your dreams

_private chat between richie bitchie and edwardo_

_3:46 pm_

edwardo: where the hell are you?

edwardo: richie youre late

_the real loser’s club_

_4:06 pm_

bennyHoHo: bev started crying over a duckling at the quarry today

bevvvv: IT WAS SO CUTE

bill nye: pics or it didnt happen

bevvvv:  _[pictureofduckling.jpg]_

stanley the birdy: AWE

bill nye: stan just squEALED

stanley the birdy: how dare you Expose me like that

bill nye: it was cute stan lee

richie bitchie: i can make u squeal stan ;)

stanley the birdy: beep beep richie

mike n ike: richie where are you it’s movie night

bevvvv: yeah rich tf

richie bitchie: sorry im at the arcade with max

_private chat between richie bitchie and edwardo_

edwardo: are you fucking kidding me

richie bitchie: ????

edwardo: oh my god.

_richie leave the chat_

_4:10 pm_

stanley the birdy: dude what the hell will is here

bill nye: what the fuck riCHARD

bill nye: sorry i wanted to quote the vine but SERIOUSLy

stanley the birdy: get both of your asses oVER HERE

_private chat between mike n ike and edwardo_

mike n ike: eddie whats wrong

edwardo: nothing

mike n ike: you havent spoken this whole time

mike n ike: its about richie and max isnt it

edwardo: no!!!!

mike n ike: edward

edwardo: …maybe

mike n ike: you shouldnt be jealous, you know richie loves you

mike n ike: even if his form of affection is your mom jokes

edwardo: im not jealous

edwardo: im afraid

mike n ike: oh

mike n ike: eddie hes not gonna replace you and you know that

edwardo: isnt he? im gonna have to ride my bike to school bc maybe i want to make out in richies car before school but NO

mike n ike: eddie you know thats not true

mike n ike: he wants to just as much as you do. hell, even beverly isnt having it

edwardo: what

mike n ike: he skipped out on their daily smoke to sit with max at lunch

edwardo: see its getTYIG WORSE

edwardo: aidhsjdjjs

mike n ike: eddie please dont cry

mike n ike: eddie

mike n ike: you gotta come back

mike n ike: will is concerned, so is stan

edwardo: ill come out when im ready, mike

mike n ike: okay. im here for you

edwardo: thank you

_private chat between richie bitchie and mike n ike_

mike n ike: richard

richie bitchie: yo mikeeeee

mike n ike: if you don’t get your ASS over here in ten minutes i will give stan permission to eviscerate you

richie bitchie: we’re on our way

richie bitchie: is eddie there

mike n ike: yeah, crying in the bathroom

richie bitchie: WHAT

richie bitchie: whats wrong??? is he okay??

mike n ike: maybe when you get here you should ask him

_richie leave the chat_

_6:30 pm_

richie bitchie: GUYS WHERES EDDIE

will the wise: ??? i thought he was still in the bathroom

mike n ike: he was supposed to be

stanley the birdy: wait

stanley the birdy: where IS eddie?

bill nye: guys

bill nye: the bathroom window is open

richie bitchie: IM NOT THERE YET HOLD ON

richie bitchie: oh my gOdhejsj

dustinshat: this is eerily similar to will

will the wise: DUSTIN SHUT UP

will the wise: its not like that

bill nye: what happened to will???

will the wise: a story for a different tiME

will the wise: we have to find eddie

bevvvv: i have a feeling its bc of richie

richie bitchie: HEY

mike n ike: it is

richie bitchie: what hOw

stanley the birdy: eddie isnt dumb and neither are we

stanley the birdy: get oVER yourself and help us fucking look

richie bitchie: wtf do you mean

madmax: even i know rich

richie bitchie: wtf

_edwardo has left the chat_

richie bitchie: SHIT

bill nye: guys we have to split up and find him

stanley the birdy: bill and i will search the quarry

bevvvv: ill check his house

bennyHoHo: ill check around the library

richie bitchie: oh god uh

richie bitchie: im gonna check a couple of our spots

will the wise: max and i will look around here and see if he comes back

_private chat between richie bitchie and edwardo_

richie bitchie: eds im so sorry

richie bitchie: please be okay

richie bitchie: tell me where you are

richie bitchie: eddie please

edwardo: im fine.

richie bitchie: where are you?

richie bitchie: eds

richie bitchie: EDDIE FUCKING ANSWER ME

_richie leave the chat_

_11:56 pm_

richie bitchie: im getting really worried

richie bitchie: anything??

bill nye: no :(

bevvvv: nope, his bike isnt here

will the wise: he didnt come back

richie bitchie: shit shit shit SHIT

mike n ike: richie calm down

richie bitchie: eddie is MISIING and youre telling me tocalm doen????

mike n ike: calm down or youre gonna start shaking

richie bitchie: too fuckitnsb late for tahst micahel!!!

stanley the birdy: richie. listen to me

stanley the birdy: calm down, alright? eddie is fine. he told you hes fine. he wouldnt lie to you.

dustinshat: what is going on

micycle: is eddie okay?

bill nye: we cant find him

micycle: sounds like will…

will the wise: ISJDKSJHEJW

dustinshat: thats what i said

bennyHoHo: i found him

bill nye: where????

bennyHoHo: he was sitting by the creek crying :(

stanley the birdy: :(((

bennyHoHo: richie youre really an asshole

richie bitchie: what the fuck did i do

madmax: you blew off eddie twice today and every day for the past week

madmax: i knew it was gonna be a problem and i tried to tell you

bevvvv: you blew me off too

richie bitchie: ???? i did nOt

bevvvv: you missed our daily smoke four times

bevvvv: and eddie told me you bailed on him without warning this whole week

bevvvv: today, too

richie bitchie: ohmygod

richie bitchie: i didnt even realize

stanley the birdy: obviously you dont care

bill nye: stan..

richie bitchie: fuck you stan

stanley the birdy: fuck you too richard.

stanley the birdy: get it through your thick ass skull and realize you need to appreciate eddie and that he loves you

richie bitchie: i love him too stanley dont you know that?

stanley the birdy: then shOW HIM THAT

will the wise: i know how eddie feels, richie

will the wise: talk to him

richie bitchie: i will. ben where is he

bennyHoHo: creek still

richie bitchie: ill be there soon

_private chat between micycle and will the wise_

micycle: what did you mean you know how eddie feels?

will the wise: nothing to worry about, mike

micycle: are you okay?

will the wise: im fine

micycle: okay

_private chat between micycle and lucasa_

micycle: is will mad at me?

lucasa: it took you this long to figure out?

micycle: ???!?????

micycle: what did i do

lucasa: think about it

* * *

**FINALLY A PLOT KINDA ANBD ANSGT**

**hope y’all enjoyed**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA


	4. part iv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry???

_ private chat between edwardo and richie bitchie _

 

_ 8:09 PM _

 

richie bitchie: eddie can we please talk

 

richie bitchie: i know youre mad and i understand that

 

richie bitchie: but i will never do it again i promise you

 

_ richie leave the chat _

 

_ 8:10 PM _

 

will the wise: do any of u play dnd

 

stanley the birdy: no

 

stanley the birdy: what do you think we are

 

stanley the birdy: nerds???

 

richie bitchie: you have over twenty books on birds stan lee

 

stanley the birdy: ….

 

_ stanley the birdy changed their nickname to sass master _

 

sass master: suck my dick

 

richie bitchie: gladly

 

bill nye: excuse

 

richie bitchie: you foiled my secret plan

 

richie bitchie: you bastard kids

 

bevvvv: honestly y’all what if shaggy wasnt high and scooby only talked to him

 

bennyHoHo: wait what

 

bennyHoHo: SHIT MY NAME

 

bennyHoHo: someone give me something to change it to

 

sass master: bennyhop

 

sass master: cause easter

 

bennyHoHo: thats terrible stan

 

richie bitchie: you dont celebrate easter

 

sass master: BEN DOES YOU GODDAMN IDIOT

 

richie bitchie: u know ur name should be annoying master i would like that more

 

_ sass master changed their nickname to easter master _

 

bennyHoHo: y’all are no help

 

mike n ike: how bout Ben

 

_ bennyHoHo changed their nickname to ben! _

 

mike n ike: aye

 

ben!: mike’s the only real one

 

bevvvv: where are all the indiana kids

 

madmax: will and i are watching the boyz play dnd over skype

 

will the wise: yepppp

 

madmax: wait where’s eddie? is he okay?

 

madmax: ill add him back

 

_ madmax added edwardo to the chat _

 

edwardo: max why

 

madmax: welcome back to the land of the nerds and bird lovers

 

easter master: i appreciate u max

 

madmax: danke

 

richie bitchie: eddie respond to my texts my dude

 

edwardo: yo stan can i borrow that physics book u have for a weekish

 

easter master: yeah, ill bring it tomorrow? 

 

edwardo: yes!! thank u

 

richie bitchie: eddie

 

edwardo: AND BILL

 

edwardo: i have ur copy of will grayson, will grayson

 

edwardo: i finally finished it

 

bill nye: oh shit nice. can i get it tomorrow?

 

edwardo: ofc

 

richie bitchie: eddie seriously

 

edwardo: ok bye y’all thats all i needed to say

 

richie bitchie: EDDIE FUCKING ANSWER ME

 

edwardo: i thought it was clear i didnt want to talk to you

 

edwardo: ok cheery bye

 

_ edwardo has left the chat. _

 

madmax: um

 

will the wise: so uh mike i can still study with you tonight right?

 

micycle: what

 

will the wise: not you.

 

mike n ike: ofc man

 

_ the real loser’s club _

_ 9:28 PM _

 

bevvvv: guys i hate to interrupt but we need to talk about what just happened

 

edwardo: no we don’t.

 

edwardo: don’t make me leave this chat too

 

easter master: eddie i think we should…

 

edwardo: lol fuck this

 

_ edwardo has left the chat _

 

richie bitchie: nice fucking going stan

 

easter master: shut up richie, this is your fault

 

ben!: guys

 

richie bitchie: how is this entirely my fault?

 

easter master: bc you don’t know how to fucking act like a decent human

 

easter master: let alone treat eddie right

 

easter mawster: i knew i shouldnt of told you he liked you

 

bill nye: guys cut it out

 

richie bitchie: go to hell, stan

 

richie bitchie: i fucked up and i get that

 

richie bitchie: but you dont need to be an asshole

 

easter master: youre the asshole

 

_ private chat between edwardo and richie bitchie _

_ 9:40 PM _

edwardo: richie.

 

edwardo: i need to say something. i’ve made up my mind, don’t try to change it.

 

richie bitchie: what???

 

edwardo: i don’t want to be with you anymore. 

 

edwardo: i’m sorry. 

 

richie bitchie: what??????

 

richie bitchie: eddie what the fuck - why?????????

 

richie bitchie: i get i fucked up but i love you!!

 

richie bitchie: eddie please

 

_ Message not sent. Caller has blocked you or their number has been disconnected. _

 

richie bitchie: eddie goddammit please

 

_ Message not sent. Caller has blocked you or their number has been disconnected. _

 

_ the real loser’s club _

_ 9:54 PM _

 

richie bitchie: guys

 

richie bitchie: gusya [;ease

 

easter master: ??? are you okay

 

bill nye: ^^ yeah whats up?

 

richie bitchie:  _ [screeshotofeddiesmsg.jpg] _

 

bevvvv: oh richie…

 

easter master: oh god..

 

easter master: richie talk to us

 

richie bitchie: i’m fine

 

ben!: no you’re not

 

richie bitchie: i am

 

mike n ike: no you arent

 

richie bitchie: i dont understand what ive done

 

richie bitchie: i apologized and fucked up before but he never did this

 

richie bitchie: he always said we’d work it out i dont get it

 

mike n ike: richie we’ll talk to him dont worry

 

richie bitchie: ok

 

_ private chat between easter master and billy nye _

_ 10:14 PM _

 

easter master: bill, i really wanted to spend the night but im really nervous about richie

 

easter master: i don’t want him to be alone

 

bill nye: i understand, stan, dont worry

 

bill nye: we can do it next weekend. make sure he’s okay

 

easter master: you’re the best. i love you, idiot

 

bill nye: i love you too

 

_ private chat between richie bitchie and easter master _

_ 10:16 PM _

 

easter master: i’ll be over soon

 

easter master: i know you don’t wanna be alone

 

richie bitchie: thank you

 

_ private chat between mike n ike and edwardo _

_ 10:21 PM _

  
  


mike n ike: eddie why did you do that

 

edwardo: he already told you guys? wow

 

mike n ike: he was upset and we’re his friends. what else did you expect?

 

edwardo: i dont know

 

edwardo: i dont wanna talk about this

 

edwardo: i made my decision

 

mike n ike: eddie, im gonna be honest with you

 

mike n ike: its gonna sound like im just pushing you in one direction but

 

mike n ike: richie is a great guy. you love him and you know that. ive never seen you look at someone like that before

 

mike n ike: i know this isnt what you want

 

edwardo: i said i didnt want to talk about it

 

edwardo: okay?

 

mike n ike: okay

 

_ private chat between richie bitchie and edwardo _

_ 3:37 AM _

 

richie bitchie: i feel so numb, eddie

 

_ Message not sent. Caller has blocked you or their number has been disconnected. _

 

richie bitchie: youre always on my mind and now i dont want you to be

 

_ Message not sent. Caller has blocked you or their number has been disconnected. _

 

richie bitchie: i love you so much i dont know what to do

 

_ Message not sent. Caller has blocked you or their number has been disconnected. _

 

edwardo: i dont know what to do

 

_ You have blocked this number. Message will not be sent. _

 

edwardo: i made a mistake. mike is right

 

_ You have blocked this number. Message will not be sent. _

 

edwardo: fuck, richie, i was mad. i was so afraid. but now im really afraid

 

_ You have blocked this number. Message will not be sent. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise there will be a new chapter VERY soon and it'll be funny - i just needed angst for plot


	5. part v

**_a week later_ **

 

_ 4:43 PM _

 

_ easter master changed their name to standly _

 

_ standly added bill nye, ben!, mike n ike, bevvvv, will the wise and madmax to a chat _

 

_ standley renamed the chat to operation: fix reddie _

 

standley: guys

 

standley: we have to do something about this

 

standley: richie hasn’t spoken to me at all

 

standley: the last time he did this was when his mom was sick

 

mike n ike: i agree

 

mike n ike: this is worrying me

 

bevvvv: he won’t even respond to my memes anymore, usually it works

 

ben!: beverly why on earth would you send richie memes at a time like this

 

bevvvv: he LIKES MEMES BEn shut UP

 

madmax: he does enjoy memes

 

madmax: i tried to go to his house but he wouldn’t answer the door

 

madmax: so i tried to climb in his window

 

standley: you did what

 

madmax: it didnt work

 

madmax: would not recommend

 

madmax: my arm still hurts

 

bill nye: did you fall

madmax: we dont talk about it

 

will the wise: is richie genuinely gonna be okay

 

will the wise: im worried ab him

 

mike n ike: im worried about eddie too

 

mike n ike: hes been mia and not responding to any of us often

 

standley: he only reads my messages, even when they arent about richie

 

bevvvv: guys this is bad

 

ben!: i agree

 

_ private chat between will the wise and madmax _

 

_ 4:59 PM _

 

madmax: so ik richie and eddie are the main focus of everyone rn but i noticed something

 

madmax: ur mad at mike

 

will the wise: max

 

madmax: and ik why dude

 

will the wise: i dont know what youre talking about

 

madmax: yes you do

 

madmax: just admit you have feelings for him, william

 

will the wise: don’t call me william

 

will the wise: and i already said i don’t know what you’re talking about

 

will the wise: i’m focused on getting my work done and helping out richie and eddie best i can

 

will the wise: okay?

 

madmax: aight will, tell me when you’re ready

 

_ richie leave the chat _

 

_ 5:10 PM _

 

bill nye: guys baby driver is such a good fucking movie

 

bill nye: baby has my heart <3 <3 <3

 

standley: >:(

 

bill nye: and u stan <3333

 

bill nye: but have you SEEN ansel elgort

 

bevvvv: B

 

bevvvv: A

 

bevvvv: B

 

bevvvv: Y

 

bevvvv: BABY

 

bill nye: YES

 

lucasa: wtf

 

dustinshat: don’t be rude lucas they’re fangirling

 

bill nye: and fanboying dont be sexist

 

dustinshat: I WASNT BEING SEXIST

 

bill nye: mhm ok

 

dustinshat: wtffffFFFF

 

will the wise: OH DEBORA

 

will the wise: ALWAYS LOOK LIKE A ZEBRA

 

bill nye: i think her names debraaaaaa OH OHHHHHH

 

lucasa: should i watch it

 

bill nye: YES

 

bevvvv: HELL YES

 

will the wise: yea its pretty good

 

dustinshat: lucas ill come over and we can watch it

 

lucasa: mkay

 

_ private chat between micycle and will the wise _

 

_ 5:16 PM _

 

micycle: hey will?

 

micycle: can we talk

 

will the wise: uh sure

 

micycle: so, i didnt know youve seen baby driver

 

will the wise: uh yea, pretty good movie

 

micycle: yeah it is

 

micycle: can i uh… ask you comething

 

will the wise: i suppose

 

micycle: why are you mad at me?

 

_ 5:32 PM _

 

micycle: will?

 

_ private chat between lucasa and will the wise _

 

_ 5:33 PM _

 

will the wise: lucas

 

lucasa: yeah?

 

will the wise:  _ [screenshotfromchat.jpg] _

 

will the wise: what do i do

 

lucasa: tell him the truth

 

will the wise: besides that

 

lucasa: that’s your only option

 

will the wise: come on lucas

 

will the wise: you know i cant

 

lucasa: but you can

 

will the wise: heck heck heck

 

lucas: you know what to do

 

_ private chat between will the wise and micycle _

 

_ 6:03 PM _

 

micycle: will, come on

 

will the wise: i dont want to talk about it

 

micycle: so we’re just not gonna talk about something risking our friendship?

 

micycle: we have never spent one day not talking somehow

 

micycle: and now we havent spoken in two weeks unless its a gc

 

will the wise: mike

 

micycle: no, will, i need to know

 

micycle: so i can apologize and we can be friends again

 

will the wise: well guess what

 

will the wise: if i told you whats been going on

 

will the wise: it would ruin our friendship even more so just drop it

 

micycle: thats not possible

 

micycle: tell me will

 

micycle: it wont ruin our friendship

 

will the wise: yes it would

 

will the wise: i promise you

 

micycle: tell me

 

micycle: please

 

will the wise: well, jesus christ, mike

 

will the wise: i love you

 

will the wise: and not in the way a best friend should

 

micycle: … i dont know what to say

 

will the wise: of course you don’t.

 

will the wise: i have to go.

 

micycle: will wait

 

micycle: please

  
  


_ richie leave the chat _

 

_ 2:50 AM _

 

dustinshat: case 2: do furbys listen to everything we say

 

bevvvv: ofc they do

 

standley: the government uses furbys to listen to us

 

ben!: i had a furby once

 

mike n ike: what happened to it?

 

ben!: it said my name at 2am once so i burned it

 

richie bitchie: nice job ben

 

richie bitchie: slay that demon

 

standley: hey richie!!! whats up???

 

richie bitchie: don’t exclamation mark at me stan

 

richie bitchie: i dont like it

 

bill nye: where have you been?

 

richie bitchie: you all are acting like i disappeared

 

mike n ike: i mean, you kinda did

 

richie bitchie: debatable

 

madmax: you didnt respond to any of us

 

richie bitchie: well, yeah, i didnt feel like it

 

richie bitchie: also, my front door works you know

 

madmax: idk what ur talking about

 

will the wise: lmao

 

_ private chat between micycle and madmax _

 

_ 3:04 AM _

 

micycle: he told me max

 

micycle: he won’t respond to me

 

madmax: damn, he did?

 

micycle: what do i do

 

madmax: tell him how you feel

 

micycle: but i don’t know how i feel

 

madmax: think about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this took so long and isn't the funniest thing in the world, im slowly trying to resolve the drama


End file.
